The baldness of a head begins at the temples

I was trawling the net looking for different cultural perspectives on baldness, when I came across the following Zulu proverb:

Inkqayi ingena ngenlontlo

for which the literal translation is "The baldness of a head begins at the temples."

This proverb that expresses the idea that big things may result from a seemingly small matter is usually said in defense of small beginnings, and it's roughly the equivalent of the English proverb "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." It's refreshing to see a different cultural take on hair loss that links the negative onset of baldness with a greater positive change. So the next time you suggest a great idea to your boss and they say it will take too long to implement, go ahead and tell them: "The baldness of a head begins at the temples". Inkqayi ingena ngenlontlo. Baby steps...

Massaging proteins

Physorg.com reports that scientists at the University of Manchester in the UK have managed to hyperactivate a 'hair protein' in embryonic mice that resulted in "young with considerably more fur [produced] than normal." During human development, skin cells have the ability to turn into different types of cells such as hair follicles or sweat glands. The team of scientists discovered that the transformation of these cells into hair follicles is determined by only three proteins produced by our genes, which they were subsequently able to manipulate in embryonic mice. These findings, though not directly linked to male-pattern baldness, should nonetheless fill in some crucial knowledge gaps for pharmaceutical companies developing treatments for baldness.

Time to Smile

The following one-page website is chicken soup for the bald soul. But before you run off to sneak a peak, take a moment to put aside all your daily troubles – fear not, they will be there when you return. Take a deep breath, and exhale the frustration of the daily grind in one short, sharp gust. Now inhale the gentle soul that resides within you. Exhale all the deadlines. Inhale all the good times. Exhale stress mode. Inhale sweet calm. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Feel the stress take off, feel the calm come in. There. Now click and smile. Much better.

Crudoleum and hair loss

I just read-up on a leading American psychic of the 20th Century Edgar Cayce (1877 – 1945) who diagnosed people’s medical problems during a hypnotic trance. Besides for head massages, a healthy diet and vitamin supplements to stimulate hair growth, his most prominent recommendation for hair loss was to massage crude oil into one’s scalp. Not just any crude oil, mind you, it had to be Pennsylvania crude oil due it being a lighter paraffin-based variant – as opposed to darker asphalt-based crude oil variants. This is how the brand Crudoleum was born, which surprise-surprise still retails to this very day. Of one thing we can be certain: Edgar Cayce was a true seer. He could see them coming from a mile away...

Chicken Rub

The following cure for hair loss appears (verbatim) across numerous websites offering ayurvedic cures to all sort of ailments:

HAIR LOSS: Those suffering from hair loss or baldness, may apply a paste of hot olive oil, one tablespoon of honey, one teaspoon of cinnamon powder before bath and keep it for approx. 15 min. and then wash the hair. It was found to be effective even if kept on for 5 minutes.

Now we all know that olive oil, honey and even cinnamon have proven medicinal properties, but you’ll forgive me if I think this particular paste will do better spending 15 minutes on this evening’s chicken than on my head.

RoboCure for baldness

The newstatesman.co.uk in an article entitled Robot developed for baldness reports that the British government has awarded a £1.85 million grant to a UK biotechnology company that is developing a cure for baldness that enlists the aid of a robot. Hair follicles are harvested from the back of the neck and cultured for reinsertion in the affected areas. The robot significantly speeds up culturing of replacement follicles by handling up to 200 samples at a time. The reinsertion process consists of a 30-minute operation and has been relatively successful thus far, though it will take up to three years before it becomes commercially available to the general public. I confess that when I first read the title of this article I envisaged a robot that walks and talks as it grows new hair for you. But, saying that, if it can do everything else they say it can, then I’ll be more than happy to forgo the small talk.

Dodgy Head Space

I just read an amusing article about this guy who decided to rent out ad space on his head to help him keep up with his child support payments. He went ahead (no pun intended) and put it (the space on his head) up for auction on ebay for $5000 but as yet has not managed to punt his pate. For those of you who don’t mind selling your body on the web and don’t find the entire concept horribly tacky, the article also mentions a website dedicated to advertising on one’s body called bodybillboardz.com. Turns out being bald puts us ahead of our hirsute counterparts in terms of ad space. Only thing I’ve always wanted to be...a human billboard!

Steve Wilkos makes the Bald List

There is an overt obsession amongst bald people and the websites that purportedly represent them to draw up lists of sexy bald men, famous bald men, bald men in business, etc. Names that crop up regularly include: Vin Diesel, Yul Brenner, Telly Savalas of Kojak-fame and Patrick Stewart aka Capt. Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise (no comment). One website even features Steve Wilkos on their list of famous bald men. Now, if like I was, you're looking scratching your bald spot wondering who he is, allow me to clue you in.

The fact is that you've all probably seen Steve Wilkos before - on The Jerry Springer Show - keeping feuding lovers/families/family-lovers apart while the audience chants his name over and over again in primeval ecstasy: "Steve! Steve! Steve!" Now that we're all up to speed, what I want to know is: how desperate are we for role models that this particular bald-headed goon made the List? He sure is bald but that's where his eligibility to be a bald role model ends. If we're so desperate for role models, we should try being our own role models for a change. Or better yet: we should try being somebody else's.

The best a man can get

I’m so used to having my inbox bombarded with the latest miracle cures for hair loss (all with a 30-day money back guarantee) that it was a nice change to come across a website dedicated to helping one remove all your hair. Headshaver.org is a website dedicated to the esoteric art of – well you get the picture. It explains not only how to shave your head, but also gives in depth reviews of shaving products from lubricants to blades. I had never even heard of half the products out there from Aveeno shave gel - go for the soy-based gel as opposed to the oatmeal-based gel to avoid gunking out your blade, to Avid Skinglider - choose the sensitive skin version for markedly less irritation, to Billy Jealousy's Hydroplane shave gel with micro silicone beads - expensive but worth it. Gillette? No longer the best a man can get.

The Three Phases

There are three phases of a hair’s life cycle, namely: anagen, catagen and telogen. The Anagen, or active, phase refers to the stage in which the hair grows continually - this normally lasts up to five years. The catagen, or transitional, phase refers to the phase in which old hair becomes dormant (stops growing) and a new hair begins its growth. This stage lasts between two and three weeks. The telogen, or resting, phase refers to the phase in which the new hair forces the old hair out from the follicle. This takes between ten to twelve weeks. To summarise: anagen, catagen, telogen. First, second, third. Looks like I’ve stalled in second...